scared!

scared, did it take? did God change my heart? how do I know? how different should I feel? Had a situation where I wanted to close shop...put the walls back up...I thought, this is why I don't share...but then I stopped and said no, I cannot close my heart. I want to recieve love. (btw, hate the word receive, never can remember which way it is spelled) I had to talk myself through that panic attack and talked myself into remaining open to intimacy and open to receiving love. I don't know. Just want to receive God's love.